Where the journey starts

So I find myself jobless, after 5 years of living in New York City and working there as an international lawyer for 4 years. As a foreigner, you know you are not supposed to be in a country unless you have good reason to (i.e. tourism, work). I assessed the situation and concluded there was no point in keeping paying for my apartment in Hell's Kitchen unless I had a job. True, I could have gotten a job and so being able to pay the rent and everything else, but I didn't have much time, and also...

I love NYC. I truly deeply madly do. In NYC, I felt the sense of belonging for the first time. In reality, everyone belongs in New York City. I arrived with almost nothing and left with almost everything. You really can work your way in the city if you are resilient and tough and keep an open heart and an open mind. I realized how much I could accomplish by myself, and only by myself, in a place where nobody knew me or my family. But I didn't see myself settling down in New York. I had started to yearn more and more for a tad more tranquil life. One that included an actual house as opposed to a tiny apartment, a car that you can park wherever you want, a little less of noise and stress; for a city where I could eventually have kids in. Not that I'm any close to doing that. But most importantly...



I love traveling. I had wanted to go on a long trip "of the world" for a while, but I could never do it for a reason or another. My last long trip had been in the summer of 2001, when I did a summer course in Madrid. I guess that's the ideal time of life for going backpacking but then again life is not always ideal and, most importantly, I'm often told I look 21 (most often 25). I finally had both time to travel and money to pay for it, not to mention a good back to carry a backpack, so...

I sold as much of my stuff as I could, packed the rest and left. My first stop was the UAE, where I was for 2 months, mostly in Abu Dhabi. I went to Al Ain, Dubai and Fujairah. I went dune bashing and scuba diving. I took drawing lessons. I learned how to write and read in Arabic, a feat of which I am quite proud though my vocabulary is still inferior to that of a 3 months old baby or 6 months old at best. I read a lot on Islam and on gender. I saw how man can trump nature. I learned how powerful can beliefs be (there's a reason why Islam means literally 'surrender'). I worked on my "I know my body and face are not fully covered but that doesn't mean you are allowed to look at me with disapproving/lusting eyes" look. I failed at that. I had several emotional crashes, when I realized nobody could really understand why could I leave "everything" in NYC, and how much our jobs or occupations tend to define us and how jobless people are commonly seen as lazy, losers, or suspicious at best. Perhaps I actually saw myself like that despite all my good intentions. My tourist visa only allowed me to stay for 2 months. So I started planning a trip throughout Southeast Asia for one and a half months that has just started.

This trip is of course about traveling. But it could have been anywhere really. For I want to travel and see a little bit of world but most importantly, I want to see a lot of myself. I want to get in touch with who I am, regardless of where I am, or with whom. I want to see what is left of me when you remove all the information that comes in a job application, for instance.

I pray to God for enlightenment. Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm actually atheist. But I do hope for good ideas. I really hope to realize who I am and who I want to be. Also, I'm certainly hoping to learn about the world.